


i wanna hold you like you're mine

by proheropeach



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Post-Weirdmageddon, get it? pining? bc its mabel pines??? hA, i have no idea what to tag as, ill add as i actually write the damn thing, like 5 years post, mabifica, mayb some angst in the form of pacifica being insecure i dunno, theyre 18ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-04 23:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12782298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proheropeach/pseuds/proheropeach
Summary: In a town with minotaurs and asshole unicorns for neighbors, the most interesting thing to happen to gravity falls was the Pines family. Yet after 5 years, no twin has visited, until a now mature and not-a-bully Pacifica Northwest runs into the goofy girl with the kind heart she had grown to dream of loving, back in town, brother and pig at her side. Five summers can't be made up for in 2 weeks, but pacifica wasn't going to let the best thing to happen to her slip away again.(i suck at summaries oops)





	1. 1-Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, all because i was a little spiteful at how a lot of the mabifica tag was just bipper with background mabifica. (no offense to any of those fic writers whatsoever!)  
> well, if you want something done you gotta do it yourself, so here we are.  
> well, uh, we'll see how this whole thing goes, i guess.

hold for 7 seconds.

release for 4 seconds.

in,

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out.

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     Pacifica let out one final shaky breath and opened her eyes again. _i guess my therapist was right about the breathing thing helping_ , she thought as she adjusted her eyes to her surroundings again, taking in the tall trees and lush grass before narrowing in on the damp dirt slowly caking on her flats. She let out a light laugh. Had a speck of mud gotten on her shoes 5 years ago, she would've gone ballistic, and that was when someone would clean her shoes for her. Now at 18 her parents decided as a "responsible adult" she had to do at least a few things before going off to some fancy college, which really only included chores any normal child would do.

     Pacifica wasn't an idiot, or at least she tried to not be. She knew she was getting off easy, but really tried to not let it get to her head as she did her whole childhood. First she blamed herself too hard for her actions, panic attacks once a week. Then it morphed into a bitterness toward her parents, the attacks replaced with raging arguments. Therapy helped her realize it was a mixture of both, and she didn’t have to live in the past.

     Therapy also taught her getting some fresh air could help with her mood, which is why she found herself in the middle of the forest, sitting on an old root, resting against a massive oak. Pacifica didn't blame any of the townspeople for dishing out their bitterness at her and her family with snide remarks and staring daggers at her, she really didn’t, but sometimes it could be too much. It got worse during the summertime, when an unspoken anniversary was approaching, and a certain family still hadn’t returned for even a visit after half a decade. She leaned her head back, lightly thumping it against the bark until she could feel a headache coming on. Now wasn’t the time to miss the people she knew wouldn’t even see if they had visited, it hurt more and more with each passing summer. Pacifica could fantasize all she wanted about bumping into Dipper at the mystery shack, or Mabel smiling at the sight of her and… well, she didn’t need to make her head hurt more with daydreams that just made her sad. Though, lots of things made her sad now, so why bother picking and choosing?

Today was something she just wanted to sleep off and never think of again. She checked her phone and groaned. God, she still had a 4 hour shift before she could sleep for 15 hours. In fact, she should probably leave soon to be on time, not that the boss really cared. She ran a hand through the bangs she never had the heart to grow out and sighed, preparing for the ache in her joints that was to come once she stood up when a rustle in the bushes nearby caught her attention. Every ounce of her was filled with adrenaline in an instant, one hand reaching for her purse, the other curled into a fist at her side. She had come face to face with equilateral satan yet was currently terrified of a bush. They probably had a correlation in a psychological sense, so she didn’t feel as stupid as she cautiously stepped closer to the bush in question, reaching into her bag for her tiny bottle of pepper spray. Had pepper spray been tested on anything but humans? What if there was a gnome in there, or one of those golf ball guys? Would it even work? She sure hoped so, if not she could just throw the bottle really hard and run like hell.

She stood a foot away, staring so hard at the bush that she didn’t see the figure approaching behind.

No one had time to process the next 3 seconds exactly, but from further recollection, pacifica could guess that it happened like this: a familiar face appeared, calling out a familiar pigs name, who popped out of the bush in question, who pacifica was so focused on that the unexpected events caused her to fall on her ass, right into a mud puddle. Pacifica groaned, the adrenaline replaced with annoyance and pain.

Her eyes opened to a snout an inch away, snorting and being disgusting. She let out a shriek and scooted away, avoiding getting even more of her in the mud, though her dress seemed like a lost cause for the day.

“Oh my god I am SO sorry i didn’t mean to scare you ma’am i-- pacifica?” Pacifica’s eyes snapped up and she couldn’t help but let in a sharp breath at the girl in front of her, letting her eyes assess every ounce of a now grown up Mabel Pines.

White vans with mismatched laces, ripped jeans rolled up to midway her shins, and a purple flannel unbuttoned and falling off one shoulder, revealing the sleeve of a loose grey tank top. Her brown hair started at her collarbone, the length only allowing for one wave from her ears to the tips, framing her face. Mabel held out one hand to pacifica, the other pulling back her longer bangs behind her ear. She had gotten freckles just like her brother, Pacifica noticed, but all over any exposed skin she could see. She also noticed Mabel’s eyes searching over pacifica, just like she was doing. They met suddenly, and a slight blush crept over Mabel’s already rosy cheeks, though pacifica could feel her own blush to match as she took Mabel’s extended hand. A warmth spread over at the contact. She guessed it had been a while since she’d held someone’s hand.

_Mabel is strong as hell,_ she thought as her grip tightened and she was pulled onto her feet _._

_Mabel’s laugh is nice,_ she thought as a nervous giggle echoed throughout the forest as mabel rested her free hand against Pacifica’s arm to keep her steady.

_Okay Pacifica, it’s been 5 years and these are your first words don’t mess it up,_ She thought.

“U-uh..” she said.

_fuck,_ she thought.

Mabel let out another laugh, and Pacifica realized all too late that they were inches apart, and their hands were still laced together in between them.

Mabel looked pacifica in the eyes, stopping the blonde from doing anymore spot-the-difference from her memories and current findings of Mabel Pines.

“You remember me right Pacifica? It’s Mabel, Mabel Pines? I mean i know its been a while and we meant to visit a lot sooner, but life was always getting in the way and-” Mabel the ever observant stopped rambling as she looked down at their hands and let go like she was touching a stove, her cheeks growing redder, before looking back up at pacifica, now a few feet away. “You.. you do remember me… right?” She was more timid now, Pacifica noticed. She had to get that smile back, even if she felt like her stomach was about to fly out of her throat.

“Of course i remember you Mabel, you guys were the most exciting thing to happen to this town, and we have _minotaurs_.” Okay, a bit too honest, but it was worth it for the smile (now braces-free, pacifica noted) that quickly grew over Mabel’s face, and the arms that enveloped pacifica in an instant. Her hands came up hesitantly to her shoulderblades, and the warmth that had come from holding her hand was nothing compared to this. Every part of her felt alive and electric. It didn’t stop when mabel sheepishly let go, averting her eyes to the pinecones on the ground.

“Sorry, i just missed everyone in this town so much.” Mabel looked at Pacifica’s dress, and the growing panic in her eyes was the only thing that reminded Pacifica she still had mud on her ass, though that was nearly forgotten once more as mabel took off the baggy flannel and offered it to the stunned girl.”Also, uh, you can borrow my flannel to cover up the mud until we get back into town, I really am really sorry about your dress.” Pacifica reached out and grabbed the flannel from her hand, offering a small smile to mabel as she put it on, trying so hard to let no mud get on it.

“It’s fine Mabel, it’s just a little mud, though i should probably change soon, my shift starts soon.” She checked her phone for the exact time, and found she was running closer than expected. Pacifica tried her hardest to be confident as she realized the words that had to come out of her mouth. “ Actually, my shift starts sooner than expected, do you wanna come with? Im sure the boss won’t mind.” Pacifica looked expectantly at Mabel, waiting for the rejection. _Sorry, I was only happy because i forgot i hated you for a second, and i dont want to go anywhere with you, Mabel would say, maybe punching pacifica just for kicks._ Maybe Pacifica was more of a pessimist than she thought, seeing as Mabel looked pretty happy at her offer.

“You have a job? Now this i gotta see. Plus, we gotta catch up on whatever’s happenin’ now in ol’ G falls.” Mabel stepped in pace with Pacifica, who snorted.

“Okay, but you’re completely banned from calling this dump ‘G Falls’. California changed you for the worse.” Pacifica teased.

Mabel laughed. “Well, I’d argue staying here changed you for the better. You’ve got a job, and aren’t setting me on fire for your dress gettin’ dirtified. I’d say that’s an improvement.” Pacifica laughed, but felt her heart ting in guilt at the mention of her previous self. She couldn’t find some dumb quote from her therapist for this one, because most of the jeers at her were from people she didn’t like, and weren’t said in the midst of a genuine compliment.

Pacifica pushed her thoughts to the side to shoot mabel a smirk, dramatically looking over her outfit. “Well, those shoes with this flannel is-”

Mabel let out a laugh and clipped her lightly with her shoulder, “I shouldn’t have said anything!”.

The girls laughed as the clear sky came into view, and Pacifica’s white convertible came into sight. Mabel gasped, and Pacifica felt a rush of pride at her reaction, and a giddiness as the idea of the two driving together sank in, even if that monstrous pig sat in the backseat. Maybe her last summer here could be... tolerable.


	2. 2- a less enthusiastic reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didnt proof read this, because im in bed sick and my only goal for the day was to post this before i fall into a nyquil induced coma, am i right lads  
> this chapter is mostly development, might as well get it out of the way before the rest o this whole shabang

Convertible cars are truly less glamorous than the movies make them out to be. Your hair is everywhere, you can hardly talk to the passenger, and overall is not the prettiest transportation unless you plan to go no more than 15 miles per hour. Yet somehow, out of all the souls who have rode shotgun and suffered the consequences in Pacifica’s car, only one person still remained so stunning in the given conditions. Pacifica couldn't even be envious of her passenger, she was too thrilled to have her back. She played it cool, but god how she had dreamed of this day. And those were dreams she had to convince herself were wishful thinking, yet here they were again.

Pacifica’s car sped down the street, a little faster than she would go just to see the ecstatic look mabel gave her on every sharp turn and dip in the road. Pacifica kept sneaking glances more than the driving standard would probably recommend at the oblivious girl, her smile contagious as her chestnut mop of hair flew in every direction and hand resting on the side of the car, running through the rush of wind. 

Pacifica slowed as they approached a red light, and she could finally hear the laugh coming out of mabel that she had only seen as the wind whipping around the car carried it away.

“So where exactly do you work? And why get a job? Even after the whole “bill bucks” thing you're family was still rich,” Mabel rushed her questions, knowing pacifica only had until the light turned green to answer before going anything over 30 mph would make it impossible to talk. Pacifica planned to only answer one of those questions and prayed the light was short. 

“I work so i have something to do i guess, don’t know if you’ve noticed but this is the world’s most boring town, so even work is at least something,” Pacifica drawled out her answer just in time for the light to turn, and she could avoid the fated reveal of her occupation for a few more miles.

Pacifica never had to deal with letting go before the summer of the twins. She could just replace what she lost with a shinier version, so the natural human reaction to loss didn’t kick in at age 4 when her first fish got flushed, but when the people who were still nice to her when she treated them like shit drove off in a bus. 

Some people can handle loss or rejection rather well, either naturally or from experience. Pacifica, given her experience level with the emotion and general personality, did not handle it well. She would never tell her dear therapist, but she found that her job was only for a sense of paying back a personal debt, and a form of emotional self torture to make up for the time wasted hating mabel and dipper. It was a mix of extreme humiliation that she hadn’t felt since she submitted her weak resume, and a satisfaction that she had only dreamt of when wistfully leaning on the cash register imagining a sweater clad ---- bursting through and dipping her sweetly, with-

A deep gasp beside pacifica even audible over the hum of the engine startled her from her thoughts, and she realized she had spaced out the rest of the short drive, and was now faced with the bold red letters and fading totem pole, and mabel’s general aura so strong pacifica swears she was glowing. Mabel turned to pacifica beaming, every inch of her buzzing.

Pacifica grumbled for the theatrics of it, but would pay her entire inheritance to see mabel look at her like that every second on this planet. Still, as she got out of the car, she leaned a hand on the door and the other pointed accusingly at a still giddy mabel.

“Not a word out of you, i’m suffering enough in this current moment,” Pacifica couldn’t fully contain her smile, and cursed for how contagious that grin was. Mabel just smiled down at her pale finger and lifted a hand to lower it, leaving her hand on top, hanging in mid air. God, pacifica was the drama team captain her senior year, how was her years of training so useless in just an attempt to pretend to hate a situation she was very much loving? 

Mabel turned toward the shack throwing a sly smile over her shoulder at pacifica, imitating zipping her lips, which pacifica had a feeling was a damn lie. The pig clambered out of the car ungracefully, and followed behind.

As the two walked inside, Pacifica noted the differences in her usual surroundings at her job. A dark blue duffel bag rested on top of a bright pink backpack, with a large dog pen that Pacifica could only guess was for that pig. The biggest difference had to be that where she usually sat on the counter --since this was Gravity falls and it's not like anyone had manners or a sense of decency to begin with-- were a pair of elbows, one’s hand holding up a focused face, the other repeatedly clicking a pen, tapping against the side of his head. He was ridiculously hunched over the counter, clearly too caught up in whatever he was doing to care how silly he looked. Pacifica couldn’t help herself; she let a small smile play across her face. 

Pacifica had a quick realization just shy of a year after the twins left about herself, when her parents discussed the effect of their loss in wealth would have on her suitor list. She stomped off to her room-- the ideas of suitors suddenly made her very mad. All those boys did was poor her tea and bring her gifts like this was the 1800’s or something. She didn’t love like that-- with gifts of gold and jewels-- she loved others with acts of her devotion, and loved to be loved the same. The boys who would show up for tea were bratty, and no matter how handsome, she found something wrong. Besides, their hands were too rough and dirty, pacifica thought as one repulsive suitor had thrown in his sugar with his bare hands into her cup. She imagined thin dainty fingers with a pinky up on a date with her, soft lips curving into a smile at something pacifica had said, proving the attention paid to what she did. At this point she had dozed off and left her current, very male, date dumbfounded, and it left for an embarrassing lesbian awakening story. 

However, as she can admit like a reasonable adult now, dipper was the one boy she had nearly developed feelings for, that night at the mansion party. Looking back, she knew it was just a confusing idea that a boy would be nice to her and not want her for her money, but the feelings lingered until after she had gotten home from the failure of a date and stewed in the backseat, concentrating on whose lips she pictured in her fantasy. It didn’t take her long- who else could smile with such genuine feeling?

Dipper was cute and all, but in pacifica’s eyes, he held nothing compared to his sister.

She snapped out of her thoughts when Mabel’s hand came to the small of pacifica’s back, leaving her frozen yet feeling so warm inside. Mabel pushed a little and stepped in line with Pacifica, reaching for the bell on the door and repeatedly ringing it. 

When pacifica imagined both the best and worst scenarios of how a reunion with the pines twins would go- she had her extreme reactions set for mabel-- either a punch in the gut or a kiss on the lips-- but it was foggy when it came to dipper. They had such a strange-- Pacifica didn’t know if calling it a relationship in the most platonic of ways was even too bold. 

 

Dipper snapped his head up at the noise, clicking the pen extra violently, and making shocked eye contact with pacifica-- it was clear to her he didn’t know how he was supposed to react either. They had friendlier moments and it was clear she was here with good intention, but she wasn’t exactly his best friend, or mabel’s for that matter. This conflict shown in his brief gaze at her, before looking between them and cracking a grin, hands falling down on the counter, the pen rolling aside. What the hell was Pacifica supposed to make of that?

 

“Not even the first date and you give her your jacket. That’s cute Mabel, and good to see you i guess, Pacifica,” Dipper let his smile linger as he turned back to his book, clearly waiting for a reaction from one of the two. When he wasn’t an anxious mess, Dipper could be sassy. Mabel reacted first, and as she stomped over, pacifica could see the red dusted over her cheeks. 

“Quit being weird dipper, she fell and needed something to cover the dirt up with!” she pushed on his shoulder, and his imbalance caused him to fall more than necessary, bumping his head on the cash register, leaving for a loud clang to echo throughout the shack, and the two girls to laugh at a now muttering unamused dipper. He still got so flustered when he messed up, Pacifica noted. The laughter stopped as Melody, Soos’s fiancee, burst out of the back room. She’d never admit it out loud, but Pacifica really liked working shifts with her, the one person who made this job a little more tolerable. She luckily didn’t know Pacifica pre-pines; the first person Pacifica could really start over with. 

“What are you kids doing?” She looked around with a panicked expression, probably not the best idea to ring the bell a million times then whack a cash register, that can’t sound great without context. Her eyes darted around the guilty looking crew before sighing as they landed on Pacifica. Uh oh.

“Oh Pacifica! I meant to call you earlier, with the twins showing up, you don’t need to work today,” She did a little shake with her hands, like she was showing pacifica how a normal person would react to hearing they got the day off. Pacifica felt her heart sink though, realizing this meant she couldn’t spend her dreaded shift with MAbel. 

Her self pity was interrupted but a loud snort from dipper. 

“You  _ work _ here? Since when do Northwests need to work?” He had an incredulous smile, but Pacifica felt something in her turn cold at the use of her last name, like she was anything like her parents. 

“Since i felt like not being a shitty person anymore,” She glared and turned on her heel, suddenly bitter enough to be fine with leaving early. On her way out, she saw mabel’s stunned, some might even call it disappointed, expression at Pacifica. She let herself rest a hand on Mabel’s shoulder, and look her in the eyes.

“It really was nice seeing you, and maybe i'll see you on my shift tomorrow?” Pacifica mumbled, not even sure if Mabel picked up on any of that. Maybe that would be better. 

Unfortunately or fortunately, it’s undecided by the jury, Mabel’s face beamed and nodded quickly. Pacifica let herself smile again, and continued to the door. In one last spurt of bravery, because it’d be foolish to not take advantage of the luck of the events today, she turned her head over her shoulder, letting her mop of hair hide her face as she opened the door. 

“Besides, I wouldn’t want you leaving without your jacket, Mabel Pines.”

With that, she let the door fall behind her, and ran to her car, the sun’s setting rays glinting off the windshield. The day had started unbelievably slow, and now ended in such a blur Pacifica didn't realize until she flung herself on her bed and felt the damp spots press against her cheeks that she had started to cry since she left the shack.


	3. a short realization and a green tea face mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly as the title says; pacifica does a face mask and realizes some things about herself  
> this was finally written bc i did a face mask, and i think itll be best received by you all if you too go do face masks, so heres a reminder to go put on a face mask, use a bath bomb, pour a glass of iced tea or smthn, and chill w pacifica as she has a self care routine inside and out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IITS BEEN A MONTH LMAO  
> okok so mini story as far as why it took me so long- as i said on the prev chapter i was v sick when i wrote the second one, and wanted to get to bed so i ended it abruptly. so then now in my recovered state, i was stumped on how to continue from how i ended it. i had a draft in my docs for 3 weeks before i made some realizations when doin my own damn face mask (this fic is subtly coping for my own problems whOOPS), scrapped the whole thing, and wrote this short update. now tht im back and ready to write yo, ill update the next chapter a lot sooner, so sorry this is short but i wanted 2 let yall kno im not dead fufufuflglk

_ There’s nothing more dangerous, _ pacifica realized as she wiped at the black wet stains on her pillow,  _ than daydreaming to the point of living only in your mind.  _

For 5 summers in a row, all she had done was live in her mind. All she had done was picture mabel and dipper bursting in the door and saving her from the glares of the townspeople as they validated her waiting, and all left to go enjoy their youth to the fullest. On worse days, they would reject her entirely, but naive pacifica still welcomed these thoughts at the comfort at least they’d be back in her life. 

Though she had accepted many methods given by her therapist, she found she could never fully let go the escapism that came with imagining even the smallest interactions, but with the pines, even when it morphed to… more romantic intent. 

_ Realistically, _ she thought as she went to her bathroom and got an eyeful of the smudged mess that had become of her eyes, reaching to tie her hair up before she washed her face, today was the wake-up call she needed.

for once she hadn’t been expecting waddles to spring out of a bush and mabel to hold out a hand with a grin. She hadn’t had a prepared smooth line to make mabel blush, but mabel’s cheeks still ended up rosy. However, as they drove down the winding dirt road to the mystery shack, she had started to build expectations again, enough to make dipper’s light jab at the understandable confusion on why local rich girl would want to work at all hurt more than it should have.

She focused back on the present as the cold face mask pressed to her flushed face, and another realization came to play. What would she have done had mabel not come back?

How long would she have continued to live in her mind like this? She was nearly 18, an actual adult! Was this something she could have let carry into her real life? Like oh, i need to go pick up my daughter from soccer practice, haha imagine if i saw mabel there. She scoffed aloud at such a thought, but felt something heavy fall on her heart. She didn’t know how deep this obsession with closure ran, but she thanked whatever entity was out there (except bill,  _ fuck _ that entity in particular) for the hours her future would hold with real memories formed rather than replaying old nostalgia on repeat for god knows how long. 

Pacifica glanced at the time illuminated on her phone and realized not only was it time to scrub off the hardening green goop on her face, but she should probably sleep soon. The finale of this Philosophical Self Care Session of Realizing Things™ came as she wiped off the last bits of the mask, watching herself open her mouth and raise her eyebrows, making dumb expressions until she could feel her skin move freely again. People are morally grey, this much is obvious, but what her mind trapped in a memory had forgotten, was that everything a human will do adds up to one big grey mess, filled with a varying hue of decisions and traits that, though in a moment may seem like a predictable pattern, will always bend and change given the context of each event.

Pacifica looked back to her reflection, her skin now clear of mascara and splotchy spots, hair in a messy bun, and flannel still loosely resting on her shoulders. She had maybe 14- now 13 after her waste of today- days with the twins, but she wouldn’t try to cram whatever could’ve happened in the past 5 years, but rather forge new memories she could leave to this week when she looked back, hopefully changed somehow from her current state. She sunk back into her bed feeling more content and calm about the blur of events of the day, and as she drifted off, hoped mabel was thinking about her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought tht itd b weird to just continue on from this point so even tho this is short im nearly done w the next chapter lmao  
> COMMENTS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND ABSOLUTELY MADE ME GIGGLE LIKE A DAMN FOOL SHOUTOUT 2 YALL also i edited it to melody not melanie i cant believe ive misheard it all this time lmaoo  
> EDIT: my end notes were acting weird in the prev 2 chapters, so i deleted those and am just keeping this one until i figure out whats wrong!


End file.
